If you're really really good...

I have to love you quite a bit to bake you a birthday cheesecake...they're time consuming and expensive.  Friday was my dearest friend Mel's birthday and she asked for something sweet. I have a cheesecake recipe that I have worked on for 5 years to where it's just right (and I have had MANY people [currently 100%] say it's better than the Cheesecake Factory's by far. Theirs lose the touch of sour which is imparted by the cream cheese by being too sweet) which I pour on a semi sweet chocolate ganache and serve with a raspberry/tequila sauce.

Be my friend for 39 years like she has and maybe I'll make you one too.

And for something completely different...

If I told my parents that I killed a busload of orphans and nuns with a dull hatchet, they would probably say "You're sick son, but we love you and stand by you through all of this."

If I told them that I voted for Obama..."I don't see a son, I see a stranger."

I choose wisely to keep my political thoughts to myself.

Multiple O Caramels

My father LOVES these and I make them for him on special occasions.  They are from the Web and are called Fannie Mae Caramels, after the candy chain I suppose.  They are divine. Sometimes you get that 'burn' from caramel in the back of your throat but these are wonderfully smooth and velvety.  They're also a pain in the rear to make but worth it.

2 cups light corn syrup

14 ounce can of sweetened condensed milk

1 1/2 cup milk

1 cup whipping cream

1 cup (2 sticks) butter

4 cups sugar

2 teaspoons vanilla

2 cups chopped walnuts

Butter a 9 x 13 baking dish. In a heavy 6 quart Dutch oven (heh heh, he said Dutch oven, heh heh), combine sugar, corn syrup, condensed milk, milk, cream and butter.  Place over medium heat and stir occasionally with wooden spoon (I use a silicone spatula) until comes to a boil.

Clip on candy thermometer and cook, stirring constantly until 240 degrees is reached.  Remove from heat.

Stir in vanilla and walnuts, pour without scraping into pan (no, I have NO idea why, I guess it's so that you'll have a lot left in the pot to lick out).  Allow to stand overnight (eat what's out of the pot, that's what it's there for and leave the stuff in the pan alone until it sets up). Cut into small 1 inch squares.  Wrap in wax paper or dip in chocolate.

HINTS:

This recipe looks easy but candymaking is tricky to say the least.  You're talking about 20.00 worth of ingredients here, know what you're doing or get help from someone experienced.

I just found out that the Dutch oven makes a world of difference...I used an enameled Le Cruset 6 quart Dutch oven and had no trouble where in the past I have used just big aluminum and stainless pots with sometimes satisfactory results (sometimes it came out hard, sometimes it came out a wonderful ice cream topping).

Get a good candy thermometer...period.

All better now

It really does help to read other's blogs. I was really down about Hallowe'en being over and everything but found out others feel the same post holiday letdown and it's normal.  It's passed, I feel better now.  A couple of good night's sleep, a little time to just do nothing and I'm energized again. 

The Legend of the Christmas Corpse Or How Skulls Came to be on Christmas Trees (My humble attempt to mangle yet another holiday)

Once upon a time on Christmas eve there was a little corpse that loved Christmas but being a corpse, people usually screamed and ran at the sight of him. "Oh, I wish so that I could be a part of Christmas." he said sobbing, his eyeball popping out of his orbital socket again and rolling on the ground. "I do love the pretty trees, the joy, the singing and the happiness of the season!". Then he had an idea, "I know! I'll wait up and ask Santa to turn me into a little boy that I may enjoy Christmas!" Giddy with glee, he crawled out of his grave and proceeded to creep his way to a nearby house. Looking through the window, everyone had gone to bed in hopes that Saint Nick would soon be there. The little corpse looked for a way in and at last found one through the doggie door. Unfortunately, the doggie was a Rottwieler and upon seeing the little corpse, he attacked and took several of his limbs with him to chew on. The little corpse shrugged and flopped his way to the den and saw the Christmas tree. It was so pretty, the ornaments sparkled, the lights twinkled merrily. Suddenly he heard a bump! "Santa is here!" he said excitedly to himself. Unfortunately, it wasn't Santa, but a burglar. The burglar broke in but upon seeing the rotting body parts, he screamed and left. Mama and Daddy came down, saw what had happened along with the little corpse in the den. The little corpse looked at them and said, "Please kind sir and ma'am, I am so wanting to be a part of Christmas, please do let me stay and celebrate Christmas with you." Little Tommy and his older Goth sister, Morbidah, came down the stairs. Rubbing the sleep from his eyes Tommy exclaimed, "Oh cool! Santa left me a dead guy!" Mama took a sedative and laid down with a wet washcloth on her forehead. Daddy fixed himself a double Harvey Wallbanger.
Morbidah, Tommy's sister, (her real name being Patricia Anne, going by Morbidah since no one understood her pain and grief and why daddy wouldn't just give her his charge card, shut up and let her do as she pleased) saw the little corpse and smiled, something her parents haven't seen her do in many years. "You personify my anguish, your pain is my pain, your death is my death, you make me whole." Her parents didn't understand but since that was the first time that they had seen her smile in years, and that the little corpse did indeed scare away the burglar, they decided to let the little corpse stay. Morbidah made the little corpse's skull into an ornament and hung it on the front of the tree. Mama rehung it to the back saying, "he can see all of the ornaments better from the back". Mama started seeing a therapist soon after.
The little skull stayed with the family for ever after and was very very happy. Each year, Morbidah brought him a new friend to hang beside him on the Christmas tree as a present. Mama and Daddy never quite had the nerve to ask where the other skulls came from. All lived happily ever after, although not quite normally. So whenever you see a human skull on a Christmas tree, think about the brave little corpse and how he saved Christmas that night long ago.
Now that you know the legend (by the way, copyright 2001 by little old me), you can do what I do each year and make and give little corpse ornaments! What fun! What joy! What restraining orders!

I make mine with Anatomical Chart Company's Tiny Tim skulls and simply put a small screw eye in the cranial cap for hanging and then I personalize (oh yeah, you've got to glue the cranial cap down with cement). Use a little latex for that wonderful just dug up look, use some paper mache', maybe some Fimo for an eyeball and before long, you too can have your very own little corpses that saved Christmas hanging all over your tree (unless you're Mama, who wants you to hang them in the back [WAY back] so they can see all the ornaments better). Just one rule, make them all smiling, Christmas is a joyful time of year! 

Christmas Decoration...

Nothing says "Merry Christmas" like AAAAAUUUUGGGGGGHHHHHHH! THERE'S A DECAPITATED OLD MAN'S HEAD ON YOUR TREE!!!

And they say I have problems.

He looks fairly pissed too...

And the angel with the tree up her butt on top, we just won't go there...for now.

About those Google Ads...

Click on one or two every now and then for me if you please...yes I get paid for it, although I don't know how much and when (or if!).  Besides, you might find something you like on one of those sites!

Mr. Macabre's Coffee Recipe

Yes I know, I said that I wouldn't be Martha but I just have to share my special coffee recipe...

Ingredients:

4 Tablespoons Splenda

1 jar liquid Coffee Mate French Vanilla (not fat free)

Imported Fair Trade Organic Columbian Dark Roast Coffee

Brew 1 pot of strong dark roast Columbian coffee (French press preferably). Set aside

Fill vintage coffee cup from the 50's with Coffee Mate from within 1/2 inch of rim.  Stir in Splenda, making sure all is dissolved.  Enjoy!  Glance at Columbian coffee every now and then and make sure to sniff the bouquet.

Now THAT's how to drink coffee, just smell it, don't actually put it in your mouth!

Post Halloween Blues and Rants

Trunk or treat might have won, I had markedly fewer trick or treaters than last year. Then again, the University of Alabama had their bonfire and pep rally that night and of course there was football. I'm not much (any) of a sports fan so I do not understand.

Overall, I was really happy with the yard, it looked what I thought was the best that it had ever. For some reason, the fog didn't spread all over the ground as in previous years. But I used a different blend of fluid this year and atmospheric conditions always has a lot to do with it.

Yesterday, during the takedown, I was a wreak. I didn't know what I expected from Halloween (which is my fault, nothing will meet your preconceived expectations) but I just felt alone. My mate doesn't like Halloween and would probably like it better if I just carved one pumpkin (or just bought a pre-carved foam one from WalMart that you just plug in and save the mess) and left it at that. I guess that I was wanting to share my joy in something I cared about. I would really like someone to share Halloween with. Maybe people don't want whimsy, I don't know. I wanted to make my yard happy, whimsical with a dark twist. I heard one of the local haunted houses had a nursery room like in the hospital where they grabbed the blood soaked babies (dolls) from their cribs and flung them at the patrons, hitting the observation plexiglass with a bloody thud.

Is that what people want?

If you think about it, there's not much difference in commercial haunted houses...you have lots of blood, lots of actors in masks or blood screaming at people, the inevitable chasing with a chain saw, no congruent theme (one room has Frankenstein working on his monster, adjacent room has a UFO autopsy, next room has an electrocution scene...I mean wouldn't Dr. Frankenstein be just a LITTLE distracted from a UFO crash and someone screaming in an electric chair from working on something so delicate as attaching nerves together and establishing neural synapses?!), and very little innovation or imagination (although the baby doll idea is imaginative...sick but imaginative). And people ask for no better. Damn my education, damn my college degree, damn my artistic gifts, why couldn't I be one of the throngs of brainless out there that doesn't question, and doesn't expect better?

That was sarcasm ya'll.

This blog won't stop even though Halloween is over. It is my sincere hope that whoever is reading this will continue to do so, and comment if you'd like for heaven's sake, I'm a nice guy, I love communication.

But for now, breakfast calls.

Blessings to you all, whereever you may be.

Mr. Macabre

I'm better today, I was ready to chunk it all out of the window yesterday just like the cemetery columns that blew out of the truck yesterday and smashed on the highway, another rebuild project.

Happy Hallowe'en!!!

Short and sweet...Happy Hallowe'en to all!  Be careful, be safe, have fun!

VOTE!

Although not directly Hallowe'en related, I would encourage everyone to go vote.  Times are scary and it is your right, privilage and duty to go vote for who you think would be best to turn this country around.   I voted absentee yesterday (I go out of town a lot on the spur of the moment) and it was very easy.

And the biggest reason to vote, you have a right to %$@#*& and complain.  I voted for that %*&#$@! and he/she lied or I told you to vote for the other guy/gal, now we're all %$@#*&ed because of this administration, or HOPEFULLY, ahhhhhhhhh, everything came out just fine, we needed this guy/gal for the job.

Vote...have a voice! 

Frosty Witch

Took this outside my window this morning, temperature was around 30. I thought it was rather cool (pun intended).

Frosty Witch, sounds like a Halloween cold coffee drink from Starbucks.

Day of the Dead

I don't really believe that the Mexican Day of the Dead or Dia de los Muertos is related to Hallowe'en but I could be wrong.  Anyhow, it's a really neat holiday.  Rather than give a detailed explanation, just Google it and there's a gadzillion sites dedicated to it.  I am quite disappointed though, we have a fairly large Hispanic/Latino population here and I haven't seen any signs of celebrating, even in the Mexican restaurants.  Probably because it is dedicated to honoring ancestry and that would be a more personal thing.  I bought some chocolate moulds and made some white chocolate bars and pops.  The darker ones are made from Nestle white chocolate and the lighter ones are made from Ghiradelli.  I personally like the Nestle better, for some reason it worked better. Anyhow, I merrily put my moulds in the dishwasher after I was done and will be visiting http://www.mexicansugarskull.com/ for new ones since I melted mine. 

&$^%#@!!! Bad Mr. Macabre! Bad Bad Bad!!!  Handwashing good, dishwasher bad, at least for my candy moulds.

The Day I Became Uncool

I remember it well, the day I became uncool in a child's eyes.  Sausage Von Trapp had brought her two boys over to my house to see the latest creations for Hallowe'en.  They were animatronics, a stirring witch (before you could buy them at WalMart) and the Flying Crank Ghost and the two boys were impressed.  Then the question, "How did you do that?"

Why didn't I say something like magic, oh it was nothing, it was easy, it was hard, a million of other things that I could have said but out of my mouth came vile words of maturity, words of *gasp*, an adult:

"Learn all that you can in school in science, math, and the arts, study hard, make good grades and you can do things like this too."

I immediately went from cool Uncle Macabre to another grown up.

 Sigh why didn't I say magic?

Evolution

Evolution of the flaming scarecrow, (the latest incarnation is at the top, but I would hope that would be obvious, I loaded the pictures backwards).

More evolutions to come in the future...

Ok, I know that this isn't Martha Stewarts blog but...

Several years ago, Nestle or Hershey made a premier line of hot chocolates and one was French Vanilla hot chocolate.  It was deeeeevine, I always doubled the packets in mine, when you're going to have a hot chocolate, make it a good one, rich and creamy.  As luck would have it, they took it off the market (&%$#@!!!) and after many tries, I found the secret:

Hershey's syrup and Coffee Mate French Vanilla.

Make your hot chocolate on the stove with the Hershey's and then lay on the Coffee Mate until it makes your eyes roll back in ectasy, or at least to taste.  I guess you could use any of the other flavors of Coffee Mate but all the rest make me gag, except tiramisu, I could put a straw in the container and down the whole thing in one sitting.

Fall-y Muffins

My dear friend, Sausage Von Trapp, sends me this muffin recipe, saying that it tastes like a muffin version of carrot cake.  I haven't made them yet but if I do and like them, I will promptly call them my own creation and steal all the glory.  I am not above this.

Morning Glories

2 cup flour
1 cup sugar
2 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
2 tsp cinnamon
3 eggs
1 cup oil
2 tsp vanilla
1/2 cup raisins
1/2 cup walnuts
1/2 cup carrots, grated
1 apple grated

Mix all together. Bake in muffin tins at 350 for 20 minutes

Mr. Macabre should note that Sausage had put 1/4 cup of kerosene in the recipe that was given me that I have wisely omitted.  Apparently Sausage still has some hard feelings from my Ex-Lax brownies that was enjoyed by same.
Apparently, some people cannot appreciate humor.

Product Endorsement-Dark Candles

I sometimes try products that I find especially wonderful and for that reason I submit to you Darkcandles.com, the premier site for all things wonderfully fragrant.  I have personally tried the whole Hallowe'en themed candle and scent line and have liked every one but LOVE Crypt Moss (I use the body wash and the body spray, it's dark, woodsy with sweet undertones).  Helena is a great lady, it takes a day or two to get your order but it is well worth the wait.  

Trunk or %$#@&*!!! Treat

Ok, I'm strong, I can do this without cussing. 

Trunk or treat is a fairly new concept in which people go to a parking lot either in a church or a shopping center and open the trunks to their cars, decorate them, usually cute or (shudder) educational, and provide a safe, well-lit area for children to come, heavily supervised, to get candy.

Whew, I did it, I really got through an explanation of THAT DAMN ABOMINATION THAT IS AS STUPID AS IT IS LAME!!! 

Looks like I didn't get through it after all but I don't care!  I despise the concept and the underlying watering down of Hallowe'en, I have seen one where everyone's cars were lined up and each trunk was an educational thing on different countries.  You learned about the country and got a treat that was respresentative of the country.  GOOD LORD PEOPLE, THESE KIDS GO TO DAMN SCHOOL ALL THE TIME, AT LEAST LET THEM HAVE A LITTLE INANE FUN FOR A DAMN CHANGE!!!  I would have had Australia and given the little nippers vegemite and told them, "Now, you learn from this, trick or treating means sugar and chocolate, trick or damn trunking or whatever the hell this is, means learning more crap and getting lousy crap to eat.  Now go be a little bastard until your mom and dad lets you go to a couple of doors and get something to rot out your teeth and don't let me catch you near a car trunk again. Happy damn Hallowe'en kid".

Do I make myself crystal clear?  I don't like Trunk or Treat.

The other thing is Fall Festivals, Harvest Festivals, Family Festivals, and the like. I grew up going to a Hallowe'en Carnival at my elementary school, Crestmont Elementary.  You could tell when it was October 1, advertisement signs were hung in the lunchroom from strings like garland. We got to wear our Hallowe'en costumes on Hallowe'en and I believe the Friday night before we had the Halloween carnival. Every classroom had an event and you bought tickets to each event. You could go fishing in which you cast your line over a movable blackboard with cutout fish adorning the front and when your line gave a tug, you reeled in a toy!  Or you could visit the witches' house and feel a bowlful of worms (cold spaghetti), dead men's eyes (peeled grapes) or bowl of blood (ketchup).  Maybe you had the hankering to find out what the future held by visiting the fortune teller (who looked suspiciously like one of the fourth grade teachers) or walk through the haunted house (ignoring the Patch the Pony posters and desks lined up to make a path through horrors of volunteers jumping out with rubber masks in the blacklight).  I fail to see where I am, or anyone else that went to our school has been mentally scarred or turned out to be a Satanic priest because of Hallowe'en carnivals.

Then came the 80's where suddenly Hallowe'en was suddenly the devil's birthday and the grand and glorious crusade of imposed rightousness stripped us of Scream in the Dark put on by Campus Life Ministries, Savage House Haunted Hayride hosted by Gordo Methodist Youth and a host of other VERY good quality haunted houses.  Lies permeated about Hallowe'en and the deep evil that it imposed on our children that we must protect.  And I bought into it, for about 1 year and I was miserable that year. 

Never, ever, ever again.

Fall Bread Recipe

I cook, and my favorite things to cook are foods that have a fall feel to them.  This is one of my favorite recipes.  Served warm with butter and a cup of coffee, it makes the perfect breakfast bread or late night snack.

Sweet Potato Pecan Bread (Courtesy Martha White Flour, with my alterations)

1 1/2 to 2 cups all purpose flour

1 tablespoon baking powder

1/2 teaspoon salt

1 tablespoon cinnamon

1 cup brown sugar

3 eggs, lightly beaten

1 stick butter, melted

2 tablespoons milk

2 cups cooked and mashed sweet potatoes

2 cups chopped pecans

1 cup golden raisins

Preheat oven to 350.  Spray Pam in a bread pan liberally.  Combine all dry ingredients.  Combine butter, eggs, milk and stir into dry ingredients. Stir in sweet potatoes, pecans and raisins, mix well.  Adjust mixture with flour or milk to make a batter that is like a thick cake batter. Pour into loaf pan and bake until toothpick comes clean, around an hour or so.  Cool in pan for at least 15 minutes before removing and cooling on wire rack.  Bread is moist but crumbly but oh so good.