Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Weight Watchers Update

And the verdict is...226.4!

I broke down and had a pack of peanut M & M's yesterday and it was the Tear and Share pack too, except there was a lot of tearin' but no sharin' going on! Peanut M & M's are my heroin. I will hurt you if you get in my way when I have to have my fix.

Monday, December 29, 2008

Oh, and another thing...

The front porch was stinking pretty much too...I just chunked the last of the Hallowe'en pumpkins in the woods yesterday. One had started making himself into stinky rotten pumpkin soup on the front porch.

That's MR. Procrastinator to you, bub!

Well that didn't work!

Remember the gourds I was drying, or at least trying to? The back patio started stinking with this funky sour/rotten smell and I knew that I had my answer...small gourds do NOT like being dried. Some nasty black mold started covering them as well as mushy stinky parts that turned unnatural shades of gray and green (with some fuzzies on them that I didn't even WANT to know about).

Ok, all together now...1...2...3...EWWWWWWWWWW GROSSSSSSSSSS!!!

Sunday, December 28, 2008

Going Crackers

Mrs. Macabre loves her Britcoms, the favorite being "Are You Being Served?". I on the other hand, don't get all, except my favorite which is "Waiting For God"; Diana Trent on this series is positively wonderfully evil, I aspire to be like her when I'm old and bitter. On the other hand, I personally think that a prerequisite to laughing at anything Monty Python is 2 cases of beer and a bunch of weed. But before we get ourselves into a flame war, something on "Are You Being Served" piqued my interest: Christmas Crackers, a kind of English Pinata sort of thing. Off to TJ Maxx I go and find some. I do have to say that they are beautiful.

They do make a nice *CRACK!* when you pull them but the junk they put in them is, well, junk...
and this was a better one with the little phone book! You get a tissue paper hat (which none fit my big #$%#@& head!), a prize and a piece of paper with a joke or riddle on it (this one was 'what has a bed but does not sleep and a mouth but does not eat? A river'. Somebody stop me before I hemorrhage from laughing. BUT wouldn't it be nice if we could make them more...personal, dark, sinister? HALLOWE'ENY?
Of course we can, we're all darkly brilliant here, I've seen many of your works in your blogs, you're all wonderfully creative people. So let's get started shall we?
First of all, a cracker isn't a cracker without a crack and thanks to the wonders of the Internet, we can purchase them, here! rather inexpensively too! You can buy all the rest of the materials to make them there too but I just bought the cracking mechanisms, I can supply my own toilet paper rolls. There are instructions too!. My goddess of domesticity, Martha has her own version, but without the cracking mechanism. I would use the cracker company's instructions personally. Filled with cool things like rubber spiders, dark foreboding fortunes, fall candy and generally cool things like that and I think that we can give the English a run for their money at their own game.
I will post mine when I make some.

Saturday, December 27, 2008

Disturbingly Funny

I have an attraction to Victorian life, I think I like the romanticized parts like Steampunk stuff more than the reality of the fact that they probably breathed filthy air from the industrial revolution and that their potties weren't the standard ours is today.
Yes, I think on weird things.
These were funny...twisted Victorian silhouettes.
Via My Confined Space

Whoopsie, it cut off the picture...

Thursday, December 25, 2008

Horrifying Holiday Dish

I don't know if Northerners have something so tragic as Pear Salad. Saved for Sundays, Easter and Christmas dinner, it is consists of a canned pear half (not fresh, must be canned), a dollop of mayonnaise on top with a sprinkling of shredded cheese and a maraschino cherry half on top (with the red syrup staining the cheese and mayo). Plop it on top of a piece of iceberg lettuce and make young children cry when you make them eat it.
*Shudder* I can even remember the stink of this dish in the back of my mind.

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Weight Watchers Update

Well, just weighed myself and the verdict is........


I lost 10 pounds last week (although I am fully aware that some of it was water weight since I don't eat much salt anymore with Weight Watchers).

Now, what to do to play with my doctor's mind when I see him in February or I say I got a bunch of phentermine or Ephedrine pills off the Internet? Crack? Meth? I want to freak him out pretty good since he hounds me about my cholesterol and blood pressure....

Evil, evil cackle...

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Perusing through my backup hard drive...

I like forgetting about stuff, when you find it again it seems new and nostalgic at the same time. I was looking for something else the other day and found this gem...taken in 1998, this is in a field near Montgomery Alabama. They have since replaced it with another one but I like the devil in this one better...ahhh, the joys of living in the buckle of the Bible belt...

My Kind of Christmas Decorating!

Why can't I live next to these people? I can't get away with this around my house. Via My Confined Space...

Monday, December 22, 2008

Pecan Butter--SIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNfully good!

Sometimes something so good bears spreading around. Via, Creepy Cupcakesa most delightful blog from a self professed Happy Halloween Homemaker comes this recipe for Pecan Butter. I tried this easy and delicious recipe this weekend with spectacular results, Paula Deen would be proud for the butter involved! And for those concerned, I did keep my Weight Watchers points values in line despite the temptation to just grab a spoon and dig in!

"Toast 1/2 cup pecans, chopped preferred, in the oven: I did 15 minutes at 325o, but you might not need to go that long - when they are fragrant, they are done.

While the nuts are toasting, cream together a 1/4 cup light brown sugar and
2 sticks salted butter (you can do unsalted if you prefer, it will have a more mellow taste), adding in 1 tsp pure vanilla extract.

I like to do all of this in my food processor. It makes the next step easy.

Add your cooled, toasted nuts. Blend on "chop" in the food processor until well combined.

Seal in a container (my personal container is decked out with a hand-drawn skull-and-crossbones and the word 'poison' to keep the cruddy little critters I live with from eating it); I'm not sure exactly how long it lasts, but please make more if the nuts begin tasting rancid. :(

I like my butter to have a smooth consistency without large chunks of pecan - if you prefer it will more chunky pecan, you can simply stir in chopped pecans, or use the food processor with half the pecans and stir in the other half of the chopped pecans in at the end.

My smooth version looks like a super-pale spicy mustard. It tastes like all the best parts of cake batter with just a smack of pecan. It's good on toast, pancakes, or anything else you might otherwise put butter and syrup on. I would also recommend it melted and drizzled on apples.

Make it for friends, take it to brunches, etc this holiday season."

And her last recommendation to which I can only wholeheartedly agree...

"IMPORTANT: Don't do what I'm doing here. Make this for people, let them 'oooo!' and 'awe' over it. Then don't tell them how to make it. I mean really, tasty things like this lose so much magic when you know how easy they are to make."

Saturday, December 20, 2008

Unadulterated Terror

This is real. They have created a Burger King cologne that has the
undertones of a flame broiled burger. I tried to order it but it was sold
out. What's really terrifying is the it and keep clicking through
the spray thing at the bottom, you get to see a little more of the King than
you would ever ever ever want.

I will now go call my therapist now...
Click here if you dare


Via My Confined Space. And you all thought that I didn't have the Christmas spirit, shame on you!

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Culinary HORROR

I cook, sometimes well, sometimes not so well. I'm not scared to try at least and have braved some questionable tastes...

Apple slices with medium salsa--tastes like genuine vomit

spaghetti with caramel sauce--sounds good, tastes putrid

deep fried battered oreos--tastes like a warm brownie/wonderful!

and tonight, drum roll please...

sweet pickled broccoli...nasty.

I have some sort of masochistic streak in me about trying different and mostly stupid things. I view nothing ventured, nothing gained, or that what does not kill me makes me stronger (Nietzsche).

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

A Rant--On Myself

What the %$@#&* happened to me?
I basically have let myself go to pot, and I take full responsibility; I've gained way too much weight (I remember when I hit my all-time low of 150 pounds a couple of years ago, friends were worried about me, my folks were nagging me to eat, I was obsessing over every bite I took and weighing myself two or three times a day...I was manarorexic. I beat the &$#@%$# out of that problem though!). So last night I went online and joined Weight Watchers. I've done it twice before and it works but I don't like going to the meetings here, I feel really uncomfortable there so I'm glad that they have an online thing now for men. My ultimate goal is 50 pounds which would put me at 190. I will be posting my progress each week so what I would ask from you is to keep my $#@%$ in line...I would really appreciate it!

Monday, December 15, 2008

Back Home-with horrible realizations on my life!

I know I haven't really been blogging too much about Hallowe'en-y stuff lately but being bombarded by the Christmas season kind of makes it hard.
First of all, Tennessee is a beautiful state, I definately could live there. The people are friendly and the landscape is so gorgeous. I went to a trade school in Chuckie Tennessee years ago and woke up to mountains, crisp mountain air and a beautiful drive each day. I've been from Memphis to Johnson City and in between and I love Tennessee. But the family and my life is here in Alabama so I will have to be happy where I am. Made it home in just about record time yesterday (Mrs. Macabre drove like a bat out of %$#@& for the most part) and we spent the better part of the afternoon unpacking. The children (we have 7 cats) were apathetic to see us (except for Albert who thinks he's a slobbering labrador retriever and promptly demanded to be loved). After unloading, the horrible realization crept over me, something so bone chilling that it froze my blood...
I had gone to Pigeon Forge and Gatlinburg and all I had to show for it was new dinnerware and kitchen gadgets that we needed. What happened to me?! My dear lord, I've become pragmatic! I bought blue jeans, a pair of shoes, a dress shirt and dishes! Where are the trashy souveniers that I would have had no use for?! Where are the boxes of Mountain Taffy that made my stomach ache looking at them because I had eaten so much?! Where is the little moonshine jug that was a bank with XXX on it?! Mr. Macabre, where did you go?!!
Just kidding but I was a little surprised to find that I didn't have a suitcase full of junk. The only thing that I brought back was a beautiful quartz candle holder but I'm giving it to Sausage Von Trapp for her birthday and for taking care of the cats for us.
I usually come back somewhat depressed because of post vacation blues but I came up with an idea coming back that is unique and marketable and would allow me to be creative. I can't really say what it is yet because someone might beat me to to the punch but I can say that it is very Hallowe'en-y and pretty #%$*&@ cool. I've been trying to come up with something to supplement the household income since my industry (interior design) is hard hit by the &$#%^@ recession, but luckily Mrs. Macabre does insurance and it's going through the roof. I feel deeply for those people who are suffering through this bad economy.
Blessings and peace to you all in this season, and throughout the year.

Next blog...let's rant a bit!

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Mid-Vacation Update

Mrs. Macabre allowed me to bring one of the laptops and huzzah! we have wifi here. Just got back from eating at Golden Corral (what I affectionately call a feeding trough).
What a nightmare, and not in the good way.
It was pretty good food but you better get your $&*#@% out of the way because these little old retirees will run your ^#*$!@$ over. I don't know what the deal is, it's not like they were going to run out of food anytime soon; some little old man was right in my personal space like I was suddenly going to tip the whole tray of macaroni and cheese in my plate and laugh maniacally in his face screaming "MINE, ALL MINE, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!!!!!"

It's kind of been that way everywhere we've gone, people have been in some sort of frenzy of going somewhere fast, and woe to you if you get in their way, your &#%$^ will be run down and over. We did go into one of those "AS SEEN ON TV" stores, you know the stuff, all the worthless crap that is hawked by Billy Mays (and just who the hell is Billy and why should we trust people with a British accent to buy some miracle product?!)and it was a blast. Everything that you can imagine that was once on TV was there, it was fun! Your life is a dark depressing abyss of hell unless you stop peeling potatoes with an ordinary peeler (which shows the poor woman slipping and gashing through her artery and slowly dying in a pool of her own blood, too weak to call 911) and start peeling them with the Potatoe Paws. You damn fool, what the hell are you waiting for, your spouse is going to leave your sorry ^$%#@ if you peel one more potato without the Potato Paws! The one thing that I wanted was a foot massager (unfortunately it was 300.00 and it stayed on the shelf).
Went to Cherokee NC today. The drive was spectacular, it had snowed on the mountaintops and it was gorgeous but we got there and I was pretty disappointed, it was nothing like what I expected, the place was pretty economically depressed except for one big Harrah's casino. IT was in good shape. There was just a bunch of junk shops around but otherwise not much. Native Americans (and yes, I can talk, my great grandmother was full Cherokee) have got the shaft over the last 200 years. Anyhow, the mountain top did something we didn't expect--it froze and we had to go 85 miles out of the way. Still, it was a pretty drive. We then came by the Christmas Store, a massive store crammed full of yes, Christmas stuff. I am fully convinced beyond a shadow of a doubt that after a day of listening to Christmas songs all day, each and every employee goes home to unwind to Marilyn Manson, Black Sabbath or Ozzie. I was ALL Christmased out when I left that place, definitely not the place for a Halloween person.
Gatlinburg is looking a bit better admittingly, like a slow facelife is taking place. Some of the trashy souvenier shops are gone and some nicer trashy souvenier shops are taking their place. I like the shops that entice you to buy things that you wouldn't normally wear at home, like the western stores with the cowboy hats (yes, I bought one once there and wore it once) or the airbrushed tees, or the henna tatoos or my favorite, kids walking down the street trying to look like they live on the streets when in fact they get into a SUV, but then again they do that anyhow in my hometown. But that's another rant for another day...
More to come later...

Monday, December 8, 2008

A bit of a vacation this week

We are taking our yearly December vacation to a place of culture, sophistication and class...Pigeon Forge Tennessee! YeeeHawwww!!! We all's stayin' right next to da Hillbilly Village (no kidding, the hotel is right next door) an' we all's just down the corner from da Smokey Mountain Souvenir Emporium, where day has all sorts of good stuff.
Seriously, if you haven't been to Gatlinburg or Pigeon Forge (they're right next to each other), go, it's a trip (in all senses of the word). Ripley's is just about on every corner and there's outlet malls out the wazoo! In other words, it's a great big massive tourist trap.

I love it! And of course I'll bring back sentimental memorabilia to remember the moments (tacky souvenirs!).

Saturday, December 6, 2008

Rankin-Bass Heaven

I love old Rankin-Bass holiday specials. I watched "The Year Without a Santa Clause" the other night and still LOVE the Miser Brothers (I always kind of wanted to be Snow Miser for Halloween).

Of course there's this one, I think this is the first feature that was made...

I never could figure out how Rankin-Bass thought that all children had huge overbites.

OOOhhhhh, just found this, a remix by the Big Bad Voodoo Daddies! Not bad at all, might have to Itunes it...

Thursday, December 4, 2008

The Secret Satan

I did this a few years ago and people loved it. I filled little pumpkins with gifts and candy with this as a scroll in it. Unfortunately it didn't catch on.

How the Secret Satan Started

A long, long, long, long to the hundredth power time ago, a couple of weeks to be exact, a demon in Products and Development in the UNMENTIONABLE PLACE was working on new and exciting items for Halloween.
Suddenly, Demoniac (his name was actually Pussbucket Snotfarmer Fartnbelchitout but he liked to call himself Demoniac. No one in the UNMENTIONABLE PLACE was allowed to have a cool name except Satan himself; he took all the other cool names and made sure everyone else had an embarrassing one) jumped up and scribbled out a quick proposal. It was brilliant! It was stupendous! It was more than mediocre! Rushing to The Evil One’s office, he signed in at the front desk and took a seat and waited, flipping through a 1968 copy of Field and Stream that was missing the back cover. After several hours, he was called back (he had to admit that the concept of the waiting room was one of Satan’s best ideas for torture) and faced The Evil One. Laying out the hastily concocted proposal, he started:
“First we start this little tradition that will pervert the Secret Santa idea by letting people send others little gifts that are creepy and disgusting anonymously. It will promote Halloween and if we can swing another deal with the dentists and the candy companies like we did with the whole Valentine thing, we can spread more pain and misery from tooth decay with subsequent trips for teeth drilling not to mention the stomachaches for the short term net gains.”
Demoniac (now Buttholious Snotfarmer Fartnbelchiout) realized that Satan was truly pleased to steal this idea from him and call it his own, although it was confusing at times to figure out what Satan was trying to say since he couldn’t tell the truth or say anything nice.
So now you have been Secret Sataned for Halloween by someone that obviously needs a lot of deep therapy and medication. Secret Satan someone else and make their day a little bit more terrifying.

Happy Halloween!

Your Secret Satan

I don't remember doing all this...

I found these pictures on my hard drive and had forgot that I was a glass artist at one time. I had a couple of shows in the past and have a tattoo on my arm (in need or recoloring) of my first piece of art. The &$%@! hit the fan when my folks saw the tattoo, it was NOT pretty...

Monday, December 1, 2008

Quick Quick Quick!

Before someone sees this could be a copyright violation, go by and download the zip file of all the old Rankin Bass Christmas specials music as well as my very favorite, "You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch". Click here!

Via Cool-Mo-Dee , a great blog for the kid in all of us (well, all of us that relate to the 60's and 70's).