Saturday, May 28, 2011

Petrified Pumpkin

I went to a customer's house today to work and I noticed this in her carport.  I blurted out "What IS that beautiful thing?  It looks like a pumpkin!"  She proceeds to tell me that this was a pumpkin and it dried this way. She said that she bought two and one turned to pumpkin soup and this one just continued to dry.  I asked her if she did anything to get it this way and she said no, it just happened, and she had never seen anything like it before.

Truth be told, neither have I but I have strong inclinations to think that this is a very large gourd that is perfectly shaped like a pumpkin.  It's incredibly light for its size (about 18 inches tall) and you can hear the seeds rattle inside but still, the size of the stem along with the roundness and indentations make it look just like a ghostly pumpkin.

Anybody out there might know what species of gourd this might be?

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Kreepee Board!

For you persons of age (like, nearer mine), you might remember The Ben Stiller Show.  I personally thought it was comic genius.  I ran across this and kept playing it over and over as it got funnier and funnier to me.

Now THAT'S comedy!

Monday, May 23, 2011

The 600.00 face cream results...

Before the 600.00 face cream

After the 600.00 face cream
I might just have to order a couple of backup jars...just in case.  

The 4 Horsemen Were Coming?! I would have baked a cake!

Imagine my surprise when I wake up yesterday and find that the end of the world was Saturday, my birthday!  Wait a minute, I was coming back from Las Vegas Saturday, the Sin City of the world (if you don't count my other favorite city, New Orleans), could it mean that it happened and there's no one here left but us heathens?! Well, at least we are all in good company and all my friends are here.  I was going to get all preachy and all on people trying to predict the end of the world but then I found this cool app that let me draw smoke coming out of my mouth and that was more fun.

To anyone out there that lives in Las Vegas, let it be known I'm jealous of you.  While out there I had great hair (just a dab of gel and I was good to go), was dry from a shower in record time, was allergy-free and could walk outside without looking like I jumped into a swimming pool of sweat (that was gross, wasn't it?).  I touch down in Birmingham and I'm sweating with an afro looking for my Afrin in my man-bag (which gets hung up in the closet until next vacation).  HOWEVER, each time I'm there, I have to fall for something.  Last time, some unscrupulous chick rings me up with a 400.00 pair of jeans that had no price tag until she swiped my poor card and announced no returns (insert Tex Avery style cartoon mouth dropping, eyes bulging and high-pitched woman scream).

I had to send in the big guns and got Mrs. Macabre to do some "convincing" that I needed shirts instead.
This year was worse.  I was walking around by myself (Mrs. Macabre was doing something else that night) and a BEAUTIFUL young lady with an exotic accent (and keep in mind that I'm not influenced by beauty that much. However, you can charm me and all my defense shields go down and she WAS charming) gives me a sample of some facial cream in Caesar's Palace Forum Shops.  Should have said "I'm allergic to everything over 2.00 a quart from the lotion aisle at the grocery store" and kept on walking but noooooooo, I had my butt hugger jeans on, black roach killer boots, my hair was looking all good and I was wearing my rhinestone club shirt looking like I was ready to take to a stage and scream "HELLLOOOOO LAS VEGAS, ARE YOU READY TO ROOOOOOOCCCCCCKKKKKKK?!!!!!!!"
I sat down in her chair and it was allllllll over. "You're about to be 47?  I would have thought 39 at the very most", "You have such good skin, you need only the best to keep it so beautiful", "I like you, I'm going to give you the facial cleanser at my cost".   I was (hold on kiddies) 600.00 poorer by the time she was done with me, had a sack of facial products that I was going to have to sneak back 1300 miles that are still deeeeeeeeeep under the bed and I can see myself dashing to the mailbox for the next couple of weeks until the credit card statement comes in.  I will have to say that they DO make me look a few years younger and my skin does feel better but I feel like such a Benedict Arnold to my Mary Kay lady now.
All I can say is, next time I'm in Las Vegas, I'm staying OUT of the Ferrari dealer showroom!

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Weird (Kinda Scary) @$$ Alabama...The 13 Year Plague Returns

Every 13 years, something strange happens here.  You hear a high pitched whine in the air and a hissing sound all around.  You look up and Tippy Hedren should have been thankful it was only birds...we have swarms and swarms of cicadas.  From sunup to sundown, getting louder and louder as the temperature climbs, millions of these creatures have been burrowing for years and now come up from the ground and split in two where a large flying bug with red eyes makes a shrill noise and flies off.  Nightmare fuel.

I held my iPhone up to the trees and recorded them singing.  Imagine this sound amplified about 200 times.

a better sounding one...

They like to swoop down in great numbers and get tangled up in women's hair, buzzing loudly as they dig deeper and scratch the scalp with their claws.  Ok, I made that up.  They're actually harmless, aside from making the birds morbidly obese here.

While many people see the mysterious cicadas as a nuisance and some find them frightening, they are actually harmless creatures that don't bite or sting in any way. According to the Jackson Sun, the red-eyed cicadas can even be eaten, and in some countries "are considered delicacies because of the high amount of protein they provide."
“There is no toxic component to cicadas,’’ [Grassmere Animal Hospital Veterinarian Carol] Machery said. “I’ve even heard of people storing them in a freezer for dog treats.”
WKSR reports that the cicadas should be around for 5-6 weeks before returning underground for another 13 years.

One word on eating them, not no but h-e double hockeysticks no!!!  And I'm NOT storing them in my freezer for the dogs!  My doggies can have their Beggin' Strips but no bugs, thank you so very much!

A kitteh nom nom noming on a cicada...I have had this happen with my kittehs, in the middle of the freaking night...not something fun to wake up from a dead sleep to!  SPOILER!  wait for the crunch and see if your back teeth hurt and got cold chills like I did!

Hallowe'en Comes In The Oddest Places

I'll let you folks decide...

This rug has been in my mom's house for years.  It's not particularly old but it is wool.  Strange how I noticed this the other day.  This conversation ensued...

"Mother, do you know you have a blue skull in the rug in the living room?"

Tromping feet down the hall to address this apparent blasphemy.

"See, it's a little blue skull."

(inspects in disbelief) "No it's not, it's a....motif.  It's just a design or something."

"Uh huh, the design and motif of a skull. You have a blue skull in your expensive ru-uuug (sing song style from her eldest impertinent son).

"No, it's not a skull or I wouldn't have bought it.  It's some kind or flower bud or something."

"It's a sku-ulllllllllll."

"It is not and don't backtalk your mother"

So, my lovelies, is it, or isn't it?  Do you side with your dear friend and Hallowe'en loving Mr. Macabre who has tried to find and spread the joy of Hallowe'en all around the world (and who has a  4 year interior design degree, class of 93, and collects skulls so he should know a %#@$ skull when he sees one!) or his mother, who albeit is a designer herself, hates Hallowe'en, thinks that it is the devil's birthday (which it isn't because it's actually in August because it's so hot and miserable here it would HAVE to be) and would love nothing more than to see her son in a 3 piece suit instead of a pair of shorts and and a Hauntcast tee shirt and his high top Converse sneaks.  But don't let me sway you, you just decide on your own without any influence from me...