Sunday, October 26, 2008

Trunk or %$#@&*!!! Treat

Ok, I'm strong, I can do this without cussing. 

Trunk or treat is a fairly new concept in which people go to a parking lot either in a church or a shopping center and open the trunks to their cars, decorate them, usually cute or (shudder) educational, and provide a safe, well-lit area for children to come, heavily supervised, to get candy.

Whew, I did it, I really got through an explanation of THAT DAMN ABOMINATION THAT IS AS STUPID AS IT IS LAME!!! 

Looks like I didn't get through it after all but I don't care!  I despise the concept and the underlying watering down of Hallowe'en, I have seen one where everyone's cars were lined up and each trunk was an educational thing on different countries.  You learned about the country and got a treat that was respresentative of the country.  GOOD LORD PEOPLE, THESE KIDS GO TO DAMN SCHOOL ALL THE TIME, AT LEAST LET THEM HAVE A LITTLE INANE FUN FOR A DAMN CHANGE!!!  I would have had Australia and given the little nippers vegemite and told them, "Now, you learn from this, trick or treating means sugar and chocolate, trick or damn trunking or whatever the hell this is, means learning more crap and getting lousy crap to eat.  Now go be a little bastard until your mom and dad lets you go to a couple of doors and get something to rot out your teeth and don't let me catch you near a car trunk again. Happy damn Hallowe'en kid".

Do I make myself crystal clear?  I don't like Trunk or Treat.

The other thing is Fall Festivals, Harvest Festivals, Family Festivals, and the like. I grew up going to a Hallowe'en Carnival at my elementary school, Crestmont Elementary.  You could tell when it was October 1, advertisement signs were hung in the lunchroom from strings like garland. We got to wear our Hallowe'en costumes on Hallowe'en and I believe the Friday night before we had the Halloween carnival. Every classroom had an event and you bought tickets to each event. You could go fishing in which you cast your line over a movable blackboard with cutout fish adorning the front and when your line gave a tug, you reeled in a toy!  Or you could visit the witches' house and feel a bowlful of worms (cold spaghetti), dead men's eyes (peeled grapes) or bowl of blood (ketchup).  Maybe you had the hankering to find out what the future held by visiting the fortune teller (who looked suspiciously like one of the fourth grade teachers) or walk through the haunted house (ignoring the Patch the Pony posters and desks lined up to make a path through horrors of volunteers jumping out with rubber masks in the blacklight).  I fail to see where I am, or anyone else that went to our school has been mentally scarred or turned out to be a Satanic priest because of Hallowe'en carnivals.

Then came the 80's where suddenly Hallowe'en was suddenly the devil's birthday and the grand and glorious crusade of imposed rightousness stripped us of Scream in the Dark put on by Campus Life Ministries, Savage House Haunted Hayride hosted by Gordo Methodist Youth and a host of other VERY good quality haunted houses.  Lies permeated about Hallowe'en and the deep evil that it imposed on our children that we must protect.  And I bought into it, for about 1 year and I was miserable that year. 

Never, ever, ever again.


Magic-Journey said...

I agree! I moved to the bible belt where it is the "devils day"! Hardly anyone decorates let alone hands out candy but every church around has people in their parking lot handing out crappy candy & of course pamphlets! I want my 6yr old son to have the same memories that I have of pure "fun". Why can't anything just be "fun" anymore? Great (*/#!%) Blog!

Mr. Macabre said...

You understand my crusade then, bringing back Halloween the way we grew up with to children of today. I remember some churches going ape$#%&@ with Hell Houses which have THANKFULLY grown out of favor.
Things can't be fun anymore because most people have enough religion to hate, but not enough to love their fellow man. Or my personal favorite: religion is like butts, everyone has one and thinks everyone else's stinks except theirs.
Thank you for your kind comments!