Saturday, November 19, 2011

Animal Abuse

All together now, awwwwww how cuuuuuttttte!

This gets them back for peeing on the mattress.

I love being mean and evil >:•D

Monday, November 14, 2011

Wedding Bells are Tolling!

No, not mine, Mrs. Macabre niece's!  Elizabeth has asked that her and her fiance be married:

A: On Hallowe'en night
B: In the Final Unresting Place Cemetery with ghosts, fog and tombstones.

To say that I am honored and overjoyed is an understatement!  I like her beau, he's just an all-around nice guy and although she's gone through some rough times in her life, she's straightened out and doing wonderfully.  So now I'm going to be part wedding planner with no experience at all...ain't stopped me before!

Alright you bridesmaids, you can cut off your fluorescent lime green dresses to tea length and wear them again. Yes I know they're snug, if you can still breathe, there's room for more cinching!  Alright Liz, what did I tell you about eating 3 weeks before the wedding?  No food, only diet water!  You want everyone to turn and say 'my she looks so thin'.  Where's the ringbearer?  Where's the ringbearer's sedatives?!  People, this is HER day, if you screw it up I will kill you all and hide your bodies so you won't get a proper burial!  Now this is a happy day for her D@^^^^!+ , smile like you mean it or I'll get a tire iron out of my trunk and MAKE you smile! Groomsmen, either stand up straight with no slouching or I'll take my Louisville Slugger to your kneecaps and give you something to slouch about!

I think I might like this!

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

I was going to whine but....

Gratuitous gorgeous picture of a maple tree  in my neighbor's yard.  I'm going to steal this tree!
I had this HUGE melodramatic post all composed that just needed the publish button to be pressed but I decided against it.  If I rolled my eyes at it, I would hate to think what anyone else would do!

Another of the same tree....I'm going to buy a shovel tomorrow!
Hallowe'en was good.  I had record low turnout (yes, you heard me), at least 5 props died and had to be mechanically resurrected (but all of them worked on Hallowe'en night, even the Axeworthy ghost which had given me $#!+ for the past couple of weeks worked flawlessly), I was exhausted from doing everything myself and as of today, haven't received a peep of thanks out of the money that was collected (170.00, way way down from last year).
So what if it's 40 feet high, I think I can dig it up in one night, she won't miss it!
But you know what, things are good. I'm a happy camper.

On second though, she has to rake all these leaves and I'm too lazy for that sort of work.

Strangely enough, I don't have to post Hallowe'en blues.  The magic is still there, even after putting the pumpkin gently on the compost heap and packing up the props in the shed.  I'm still in the mood. I was a bit off Hallowe'en night but after a bit of rest, I'm planning to start on 2012.  

Aw heck, as long as I wrote it, might as well post at your own risk...

I can be a melodramatic whiner, and I'm good at it.  This might be one of those posts.

I'm a one-man-show, I don't get any help with Hallowe'en.  So as I was setting up the yard this year, I was toying with the idea of letting this year be the last.  It would be a lot easier just to carve a pumpkin and on November 1, toss it on the compost heap and be done with it.  The Cemetery had low turnout this year, mostly due to lack of advertisement, although it did raise 170.00 for the Humane Society (in contrast to 840.00 last year).  Then after a good Hallowe'en night, it was over.  I didn't feel the magic for some reason, maybe I was too tired and cold (we did have a cold snap which felt good).  Unplugging the power cords and turning off the electric tea lights one by one, I wandered around the yard a bit before going to the chain link fence gate and snapping the lock shut.  The next day rain was predicted.  Unfortunately, I had to take my mother to the doctor 60 miles away and drive her back meaning I would get in late.  As I stumbled around the back yard, lifting ghosts, ghouls and the undead mechanical apparitions back to their shed, I remember that we are having dinner guests.  %^&*@;$(#!!!!  No rest for the wicked, or weary.
As I put the props into the dry safety of the shed, I wondered, is it worth it?  Why am I doing this to myself?  I could have just taken the money that I spent on the yard this year and given that to charity if I so-called cared for animals like I say I do and come out a whole lot better in the end (told you that I'm a whiner).

But then what?

What would I do?  I'm an artist at heart and artists create to live and live to create. What would I do with the knowledge I've accumulated?  What could I apply my skills to that would be satisfying and satisfy a deep passion?  Then it occurred to me:  I haunt therefore I am.  I live for magic, for mystery, for the darker realms of existence.  My soul yearns for the unexplained, the places that people fear, the flicker of a candle where a candle should not be.  Haunting gives me purpose and although it is hard work, expensive and at times frustrating, I receive a sense of joy in watching the spark of Hallowe'en light up in a child's eyes.  Tonight as I trudged the very last of the decorations to the storage shed, I realized that I wasn't down.  I didn't have post-Hallowe'en blues.  Usually after Hallowe'en, the glow of a jack o' lantern loses its magic, the orange and black aren't as cheerful and thoughts turn toward other endeavours (namely winter vacation in Vegas whoo hoo!).  But not this time (well, winter vacation in Vegas IS on my mind right now, COME ON 7 OR 11, DADDY NEEDS A NEW PAIR OF SHOES!). Strangely enough, Hallowe'en has moved somewhere from a holiday to a way of life for me.  It feels natural to start thinking on new props, it feels...purposeful.  Maybe it's because I let myself run out of blood pressure medicine and I was about to blow a gasket (checked it today:  145/91...went ahead and got a 3 month supply to not let it happen again), maybe it's something more.  I plugged in a leftover electric pumpkin...the magic returned.  I've watched Pumpkinrot's Swamp Foetus several times now, each time with awe.  I'm listening to Saint-Saens' Danse Macabre , decidedly Hallowe'en music and have the hankering to watch Trick R' Treat.  

Back again.

As long as there is an October 31, there will be Hallowe'en.  As long as I can, I'm going to try and show kids and adults alike the wonder and mystery of Hallowe'en.  I've pondered the above paragraph for a few days and it has rang true, I haunt, therefore I am.  Give me ghosts or give me death (either way I win).  I only regret that I have but one graveyard to give to my haunting.  Damn the preachy pamphlets, full steam ahead! 

And lastly, I have not yet begun to haunt...