Thursday, October 17, 2019

Trunk or Effing Treat

Trunk or %$#@&;*!!! Treat

Ok, I'm strong, I can do this without cussing.  Probably not.
Trunk or treat is a fairly new concept in which people go to a parking lot either in a church or a shopping center and open the trunks to their cars, decorate them, usually cute or (shudder) educational, and provide a safe, well-lit area for children to come, heavily supervised, to get candy.
Whew, I did it, I really got through an explanation of THAT DAMN ABOMINATION THAT IS AS STUPID AS IT IS LAME!!! 
Looks like I didn't get through it after all but I don't care!  I despise the concept and the underlying watering down of Hallowe'en, I have seen one where everyone's cars were lined up and each trunk was an educational thing on different countries.  You learned about the country and got a treat that was representative of the country.  GOOD LORD PEOPLE, THESE KIDS GO TO DAMN SCHOOL ALL THE TIME, AT LEAST LET THEM HAVE A LITTLE INANE FUN FOR A DAMN CHANGE!!!  I would have had Australia and given the little nippers Vegemite and told them, "Now, you learn from this, trick or treating means sugar and chocolate, trick or damn trunking or whatever the hell this is, means learning more crap and getting lousy crap to eat.  Now go be a little bastard until your mom and dad lets you go to a couple of doors and get something to rot out your teeth and don't let me catch you near a car trunk again. Happy damn Hallowe'en kid".
Do I make myself crystal clear?  I don't like Trunk or Treat.
The other thing is Fall Festivals, Harvest Festivals, Family Festivals, and the like. I grew up going to a Hallowe'en Carnival at my elementary school.  You could tell when it was October 1, advertisement signs were hung in the lunchroom from strings like garland. We got to wear our Hallowe'en costumes on Hallowe'en and I believe the Friday night before we had the Hallowe'en carnival. Every classroom had an event and you bought tickets to each event. You could go fishing in which you cast your line over a movable blackboard with cutout fish adorning the front and when your line gave a tug, you reeled in a toy!  Or you could visit the witches' house and feel a bowlful of worms (cold spaghetti), dead men's eyes (peeled grapes) or bowl of blood (ketchup).  Maybe you had the hankering to find out what the future held by visiting the fortune teller (who looked suspiciously like one of the fourth grade teachers) or walk through the haunted house (ignoring the Patch the Pony posters and desks lined up to make a path through horrors of volunteers jumping out with rubber masks in the blacklight).  I fail to see where I am, or anyone else that went to our school has been mentally scarred or turned out to be a Satanic priest because of Hallowe'en carnivals.
Then came the 80's where suddenly Hallowe'en was suddenly the devil's birthday and the grand and glorious crusade of imposed righteousness stripped us of Scream in the Dark put on by Campus Life Ministries, Savage House Haunted Hayride hosted by Methodist Youth and a host of other VERY good quality haunted houses.  Lies permeated about Hallowe'en and the deep evil that it imposed on our children that we must protect.  And I bought into it, for about 1 year and I was miserable that year. 
Never, ever, ever again.

Long Live Hallowe'en!

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