Monday, November 3, 2008

The Legend of the Christmas Corpse Or How Skulls Came to be on Christmas Trees (My humble attempt to mangle yet another holiday)

Once upon a time on Christmas eve there was a little corpse that loved Christmas but being a corpse, people usually screamed and ran at the sight of him. "Oh, I wish so that I could be a part of Christmas." he said sobbing, his eyeball popping out of his orbital socket again and rolling on the ground. "I do love the pretty trees, the joy, the singing and the happiness of the season!". Then he had an idea, "I know! I'll wait up and ask Santa to turn me into a little boy that I may enjoy Christmas!" Giddy with glee, he crawled out of his grave and proceeded to creep his way to a nearby house. Looking through the window, everyone had gone to bed in hopes that Saint Nick would soon be there. The little corpse looked for a way in and at last found one through the doggie door. Unfortunately, the doggie was a Rottwieler and upon seeing the little corpse, he attacked and took several of his limbs with him to chew on. The little corpse shrugged and flopped his way to the den and saw the Christmas tree. It was so pretty, the ornaments sparkled, the lights twinkled merrily. Suddenly he heard a bump! "Santa is here!" he said excitedly to himself. Unfortunately, it wasn't Santa, but a burglar. The burglar broke in but upon seeing the rotting body parts, he screamed and left. Mama and Daddy came down, saw what had happened along with the little corpse in the den. The little corpse looked at them and said, "Please kind sir and ma'am, I am so wanting to be a part of Christmas, please do let me stay and celebrate Christmas with you." Little Tommy and his older Goth sister, Morbidah, came down the stairs. Rubbing the sleep from his eyes Tommy exclaimed, "Oh cool! Santa left me a dead guy!" Mama took a sedative and laid down with a wet washcloth on her forehead. Daddy fixed himself a double Harvey Wallbanger.
Morbidah, Tommy's sister, (her real name being Patricia Anne, going by Morbidah since no one understood her pain and grief and why daddy wouldn't just give her his charge card, shut up and let her do as she pleased) saw the little corpse and smiled, something her parents haven't seen her do in many years. "You personify my anguish, your pain is my pain, your death is my death, you make me whole." Her parents didn't understand but since that was the first time that they had seen her smile in years, and that the little corpse did indeed scare away the burglar, they decided to let the little corpse stay. Morbidah made the little corpse's skull into an ornament and hung it on the front of the tree. Mama rehung it to the back saying, "he can see all of the ornaments better from the back". Mama started seeing a therapist soon after.
The little skull stayed with the family for ever after and was very very happy. Each year, Morbidah brought him a new friend to hang beside him on the Christmas tree as a present. Mama and Daddy never quite had the nerve to ask where the other skulls came from. All lived happily ever after, although not quite normally. So whenever you see a human skull on a Christmas tree, think about the brave little corpse and how he saved Christmas that night long ago.
Now that you know the legend (by the way, copyright 2001 by little old me), you can do what I do each year and make and give little corpse ornaments! What fun! What joy! What restraining orders!

I make mine with Anatomical Chart Company's Tiny Tim skulls and simply put a small screw eye in the cranial cap for hanging and then I personalize (oh yeah, you've got to glue the cranial cap down with cement). Use a little latex for that wonderful just dug up look, use some paper mache', maybe some Fimo for an eyeball and before long, you too can have your very own little corpses that saved Christmas hanging all over your tree (unless you're Mama, who wants you to hang them in the back [WAY back] so they can see all the ornaments better). Just one rule, make them all smiling, Christmas is a joyful time of year! 

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