Friday, August 20, 2010

The Bad Halloween Books Review

The economy stinks still.  We all know that. What I'm going to do today is stretch your budgets by showing you some Halloween books that I have wasted my money on so you won't have to!  A little about me first...I'm just this side of a hoarder when it comes to Hallowe'en books and videos.  I just am.  Even if they are rotten, I'll still buy them because they're Hallowe'en and I HAVE TO HAVE THEM ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!  

ahem, where was I?

Any book boasting the title including the words EXTREME, ULTIMATE or BEST can be well assured they AREN'T.  

Extreme Halloween: The Ultimate Guide to Making Halloween Scary Again.

1. No it isn't Extreme.  
2. No it isn't Ultimate
3. No it doesn't make Halloween scary again

Two of the three words are in the title and so I expect more.  I didn't get it. Cute and very clever pumpkin carving and a prop or two but that's about it.

Better Homes and Gardens: Halloween Pumpkins and Parties: 101 Spooktacular Ideas

1.  I hate the word 'spooktacular'
2. Better Homes and Gardens sucker me in each and every year to buy their Halloween book.  I regret it each and every time.

Better Homes and Gardens: Halloween: 101 Frightfully Fun Ideas

1.  I hate the word 'frightfully'
2.  If you think that taking wire, curling it into swirls and sticking it into a pumpkin is scary, then this book is damn terrifying.

Better Homes and Gardens: Halloween Fun: 101 Ideas to Get in the Spirit

1.  If you think it's witty to spell 'cute' with a 'k', then this book's for you.

Better Homes and Gardens: Big Book of Halloween

1. It's thankfully not all that big
2. How many more witch hats made with a sugar cone and cookie can we take?!

Hocus Pocus: Halloween Crafts for a Spooktacular Holiday

1.  You know where I stand when 'spooktacular' is involved, don't even go there.

Creative Costumes and Halloween Decor: 50 Projects to Craft and Sew

1. Yawwwwwwwwnnnnnn
2. I will say this, if you're a novice seamstress or seamster, this book has some pretty decent costuming tips with lots of pictures using a hand model.  NO ONE that has, does or will haunt or sew will have as beautiful, graceful and perfect hands and nails as the hand model in this book.  Looking at my hands, I have 2 warts and counting, 2 swollen joints, several cat scratches and dry skin that looks like someone's peeling back after a bad sunburn.  I love hand models, there's just something about the illustrations in a book where someone is demonstrating something that clearly, they've never done it before because they have pristine hands.
I'm weird.

This is NOT by any accounts a complete listing, just some of the bad offenders that popped up.  I have some supposedly professional haunting books that deserve the full wrath of my viperous tongue.

Bottom line, if you're a book ho like me, then go ahead and buy them just to have a big collection.  If you're serious about your Halloween, start with Martha Stewart and go from there.


Wendy the (Very) Good Witch said...

Okay...I love that you are semi-full blown Halloween hoarder. I think we all are and perhaps there will be a show about us one day. With that being said, I hear you on your loathing of the word spooktacular, and that is the only place we part ways. I know it's lame, but I can't help it, I love new words created from halloween words, like spooktac&$#% and creeptastic! See, I didn't even spell it out entirely just now so you wouldn't have to see it yet again. Besides, if you come to my blog, you'll have to endure more than your fair share that word and others...and I'm sorry for that I am, but just consider it an annoying offshoot of the aforementioned Hallo-Hoarder disease.

As for the books, I couldn't agree more. I used to buy them all sight unseen too. But I was sorely disappointed in far too many of them to continue down that dead end street. So now I peruse them thoroughly first to be certain they are truly purchase worthy. I agree with your reviews. The worst is getting snookered into buying the same damn magazine twice because they printed the same mag with different covers...I'm talking to you Country Living and Matthew Mead. So now I always check them out before hand. Thanks for your wisdom and book reviews Mr. M!

halloween spirit said...

Thanks for the overview. I tend to be a sucker for anything Halloween early in the season, then become more discerning from there. I have several purchases I regret, but have so far resisted the Better Homes and Gardens books. :)

Mr. Macabre said...

@ Wendy: Oops, so terribly sorry about my 'spooktacular' rant. Absolutely no offense was meant. I don't think that I actually hate the words, they just annoy me intensely when Better Homes and Barfing uses them for their Halloween books.

I will, though, firmly stand by my disdain of the words 'mucus membrane'.

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Wendy the (Very) Good Witch said...

Oh I never take offense like that. I am a live and let live kind of gal and I realize that it is an overdone phrase...believe me! But I just can't help but to love it still. You have every right to loathe it...I laughed when I read your post because I could just envision your cringing in agony when you come to my blog. ;o)

Mr. Macabre said...

Sorry it took me so long to respond Josh, my application's on the way to y'all!