Hauntcast and Paypal...

I was really considering NOT resubscribing to Hauntcast because of the price tag.  I simply couldn't afford dropping 100.00 at one shot.  I have NO problems with paying for the content, the people that make up the program NEED to be compensated; it takes moolah and time (more time I would guess and time is money so I guess even more moolah) to put on a program.  Heck, I have trouble finding things to write about a lot of times (as evidenced by my absence, I promise I'm going to start blogging again very soon, life happens).

But back to the point...I couldn't drop 100.00 all at once but if you sign up with Paypal for the 6 months no interest option, you can pay 20.00 a month and pay it off easily.  20.00 a month isn't bad, so I encourage you to consider subscribing to Hauntcast if nothing else for the long list of discounts that will come in handy!

See y'all soon...

Blarg!!!

I'll take tooth decay, gingivitis, halitosis, and tartar build up so heavy it crunches when I move my mouth over brushing with this!!!

Just...kill...me...

I am unable to live in a world where this exists.

This is a sad, sad day for humanity.

WTF?!

Pardon me, but what is this and why do we need a Twilight blow dryer? Does it come with glitter cartridges, sold separately? Does it give you a pasty complexion or that flat emotionless look that Bella sports?

Someone help me out on this, I'm confused.

Random Ramblings and S & M kitteh spanking.

Now THAT got your attention, didn't it?



I have 3 other cats that love kitteh spanking, I'll try to get Albert to do his spanking dance on film (or digital rather).  He usually turn around afterwards and either does the amorous rolling or the I love you like a goat head butt.

Went to the hospital sleep clinic last night for a checkup.  First of all this is what is waiting on you on the bed as you walk into the 2500.00 a night room...

After you have about 30 electrodes stuck all over you, 2 monitoring belts, an oxygen finger device with a red light on it and a cpap mask on, they cheerfully say, "just sleep normally"...

Uh huh, like that was going to happen.  I actually slept some and was relieved when 5:45am came and I could get unhooked and go home.  This is what I looked like right after she unsnapped all the wires...

I must really love you people for letting you see me like this.

So all in all, everything if fine.  Everything was fine before but they saw that I hadn't used up all my allotment for my insurance this year and thought that needed remedied.

So go ahead and hate me, I'm going to Vegas next week.  Free flight for 2 (yes it's on South{cattle car}West but hey, I can moo for 4 hours there). Free hotel.  Mrs. Macabre is the Jedi Master of discounts and free stuff.  If you go to Southwest.com (yes, the airline), they have a credit card offer for 50,000 travel points through Chase bank if you apply and use it once.  It might say 25,000 points but if you Google around, you can probably find the 50,000 points offer like we did the other night.  I saw a program about a guy that is the king of free travel and this is his website.  I used to feel somewhat bad for taking advantage of freebies and such because I felt like I was taking advantage of the company.  I have since moved on from that way of thinking and now if I can $(&#W a credit card company out of some freebies, you better dang well believe I will.  And if you stay off season, most of the time the hotels will comp you your room and give you gambling credit to boot.  They want you to stay, enjoy yourself and gamble away the credit they give you and then some.  Luckily, I'm a cheap @$$ when it comes to gambling...and unlucky so I give the credits to Mrs. M and usually we come out to the positive (Mrs. M can gamble and make money, however).  The freebies are out there people, go get them!

Ahem.

Groan, going to the %$#@^&* mall this afternoon.  I HATE crowds, I HATE our mall and I especially HATE our crowded Christmas rabies infested crowds mall!  But a guy's gotta do what a guy's gotta do, put on hockey pads and tackle the opposition for the bargains!  

Will be back a bit later...

Animal Abuse

All together now, awwwwww how cuuuuuttttte!

This gets them back for peeing on the mattress.

I love being mean and evil >:•D

Wedding Bells are Tolling!

No, not mine, Mrs. Macabre niece's!  Elizabeth has asked that her and her fiance be married:

A: On Hallowe'en night
B: In the Final Unresting Place Cemetery with ghosts, fog and tombstones.

To say that I am honored and overjoyed is an understatement!  I like her beau, he's just an all-around nice guy and although she's gone through some rough times in her life, she's straightened out and doing wonderfully.  So now I'm going to be part wedding planner with no experience at all...ain't stopped me before!

Alright you bridesmaids, you can cut off your fluorescent lime green dresses to tea length and wear them again. Yes I know they're snug, if you can still breathe, there's room for more cinching!  Alright Liz, what did I tell you about eating 3 weeks before the wedding?  No food, only diet water!  You want everyone to turn and say 'my she looks so thin'.  Where's the ringbearer?  Where's the ringbearer's sedatives?!  People, this is HER day, if you screw it up I will kill you all and hide your bodies so you won't get a proper burial!  Now this is a happy day for her D@^^^^!+ , smile like you mean it or I'll get a tire iron out of my trunk and MAKE you smile! Groomsmen, either stand up straight with no slouching or I'll take my Louisville Slugger to your kneecaps and give you something to slouch about!

I think I might like this!

I was going to whine but....

Gratuitous gorgeous picture of a maple tree  in my neighbor's yard.  I'm going to steal this tree!

I had this HUGE melodramatic post all composed that just needed the publish button to be pressed but I decided against it.  If I rolled my eyes at it, I would hate to think what anyone else would do!

Another of the same tree....I'm going to buy a shovel tomorrow!

Hallowe'en was good.  I had record low turnout (yes, you heard me), at least 5 props died and had to be mechanically resurrected (but all of them worked on Hallowe'en night, even the Axeworthy ghost which had given me $#!+ for the past couple of weeks worked flawlessly), I was exhausted from doing everything myself and as of today, haven't received a peep of thanks out of the money that was collected (170.00, way way down from last year).

So what if it's 40 feet high, I think I can dig it up in one night, she won't miss it!

But you know what, things are good. I'm a happy camper.

On second though, she has to rake all these leaves and I'm too lazy for that sort of work.

Strangely enough, I don't have to post Hallowe'en blues.  The magic is still there, even after putting the pumpkin gently on the compost heap and packing up the props in the shed.  I'm still in the mood. I was a bit off Hallowe'en night but after a bit of rest, I'm planning to start on 2012.  

Aw heck, as long as I wrote it, might as well post it....read at your own risk...

I can be a melodramatic whiner, and I'm good at it.  This might be one of those posts.

I'm a one-man-show, I don't get any help with Hallowe'en.  So as I was setting up the yard this year, I was toying with the idea of letting this year be the last.  It would be a lot easier just to carve a pumpkin and on November 1, toss it on the compost heap and be done with it.  The Cemetery had low turnout this year, mostly due to lack of advertisement, although it did raise 170.00 for the Humane Society (in contrast to 840.00 last year).  Then after a good Hallowe'en night, it was over.  I didn't feel the magic for some reason, maybe I was too tired and cold (we did have a cold snap which felt good).  Unplugging the power cords and turning off the electric tea lights one by one, I wandered around the yard a bit before going to the chain link fence gate and snapping the lock shut.  The next day rain was predicted.  Unfortunately, I had to take my mother to the doctor 60 miles away and drive her back meaning I would get in late.  As I stumbled around the back yard, lifting ghosts, ghouls and the undead mechanical apparitions back to their shed, I remember that we are having dinner guests.  %^&*@;$(#!!!!  No rest for the wicked, or weary.

As I put the props into the dry safety of the shed, I wondered, is it worth it?  Why am I doing this to myself?  I could have just taken the money that I spent on the yard this year and given that to charity if I so-called cared for animals like I say I do and come out a whole lot better in the end (told you that I'm a whiner).

But then what?

What would I do?  I'm an artist at heart and artists create to live and live to create. What would I do with the knowledge I've accumulated?  What could I apply my skills to that would be satisfying and satisfy a deep passion?  Then it occurred to me:  I haunt therefore I am.  I live for magic, for mystery, for the darker realms of existence.  My soul yearns for the unexplained, the places that people fear, the flicker of a candle where a candle should not be.  Haunting gives me purpose and although it is hard work, expensive and at times frustrating, I receive a sense of joy in watching the spark of Hallowe'en light up in a child's eyes.  Tonight as I trudged the very last of the decorations to the storage shed, I realized that I wasn't down.  I didn't have post-Hallowe'en blues.  Usually after Hallowe'en, the glow of a jack o' lantern loses its magic, the orange and black aren't as cheerful and thoughts turn toward other endeavours (namely winter vacation in Vegas whoo hoo!).  But not this time (well, winter vacation in Vegas IS on my mind right now, COME ON 7 OR 11, DADDY NEEDS A NEW PAIR OF SHOES!). Strangely enough, Hallowe'en has moved somewhere from a holiday to a way of life for me.  It feels natural to start thinking on new props, it feels...purposeful.  Maybe it's because I let myself run out of blood pressure medicine and I was about to blow a gasket (checked it today:  145/91...went ahead and got a 3 month supply to not let it happen again), maybe it's something more.  I plugged in a leftover electric pumpkin...the magic returned.  I've watched Pumpkinrot's Swamp Foetus several times now, each time with awe.  I'm listening to Saint-Saens' Danse Macabre , decidedly Hallowe'en music and have the hankering to watch Trick R' Treat.  

Back again.

As long as there is an October 31, there will be Hallowe'en.  As long as I can, I'm going to try and show kids and adults alike the wonder and mystery of Hallowe'en.  I've pondered the above paragraph for a few days and it has rang true, I haunt, therefore I am.  Give me ghosts or give me death (either way I win).  I only regret that I have but one graveyard to give to my haunting.  Damn the preachy pamphlets, full steam ahead! 

And lastly, I have not yet begun to haunt...

Happy Hallowe'en

For some of us though, every day starts out scary.  Happy Hallowe'en y'all!

It fall down and go BOOOOM!

Let it be known, Hallowe'en and wind do NOT mix.

Before:

After:

The archway and columns blew down, taking the seance table with it. Luckily, no one was around.  This was the second archway dive, I think I'm going to leave it off for safety's sake.

What the blankity blank blank DOESN'T cause cancer!?

Was sawing through a piece of wood the other day and saw this warning. Are they just trying to make me a hypochondriac basket case!?

Scare Tactics

Although I don't scare people in my haunt, I DO love to scare (just ask Sausage Von Trapp, when I scare her, I end up getting hit each time, but the bruises are well worth it)!  I also love seeing other people being scared, it's hilarious!  I never knew Ellen was a Hallowe'en fan, much less she loved to scare.







But be careful...

B. A. Spider

Saw this fellow this morning near my shed. Big, fat and creepy but spun a gorgeous web.

The Ouija Experiment

Now isn't this weird, I get an email from Spirit Halloween saying leave the Ouija board alone and now here's something out of the blue about a collective group to try and contact the dead via Ouija board.  On Hallowe'en night at 10pm EST, there's going to be a collective effort to hold an internet seance to try and establish contact with the departed.  These guys don't seem to be some sort of crackpots either, there's a lot of scientific terms and theorizing about electromagnetic fields and such as well as what looks like wiring a Ouija board to generate an electromagnetic field.

I don't know if I will be participating yet (I've had my share of paranormal activity in my life to last me for a while) but I probably will be observing. If you are interested, please click here or on the Ouija board:

The Ouija Experiment

With my luck, I'd either open a portal to let Zuul out or this would happen:

I would LOVE to know what was going on here!!!

And So It Begins

Got the sign up tonight despite a grueling headache. The witch has already taken a nose dive this year but a couple of zip ties and some TLC, she's flying high again...minus one foot.

Here we go. 6 days to showtime...

Spell For Conjuring Spirits

I wrote this little poem/spell for my fortune teller....

Yes, it is indeed my voice, just raised a pitch.

Edison and Spirituality

Found this little article while perusing through teh interwebs...

Edison was of a scientific mind and at the turn of the century, the supernatural and paranormal was all the rage (sound familiar?).  He theorized that if communication was possible with the dead, then it should be done by scientific means.  It is legend that he was/had been working on/had made a "ghost radio", a device that was able to pierce through to the next plane and allow those bygone to communicate.  Unfortunately, the prototype has never been found and the schematics aren't around either.  

Whether or not Edison had indeed constructed/planned out this device went with him to the grave.  The stuff of urban legend and conspiracy theories are made of such as this.  For a little more insight, click here for another (bit more up to date) article.  

And here's a scary@$$ ventriloquist dummy picture thrown in for good measure.

Creature Feature, My New All Time Favorite Band!

Ok, if this don't get you in the Hallowe'en spirit, nothing will!  I dig his burns!  I've got to grow me some like that!  Of course I would have to get another job, find another place to live and dye them daily.  Guess I'll stick with what I have.





More available from iTunes...

Ouija Warning

Strange, today I was checking my email and I get this (ya gonna have to click on the picture to see the whole thing because it's so big):


[Via: FrightCatalog.com: The The Web's #1 Halloween Costume StoreView Larger Image and Get the Embed Code to Add This Infographic to Your Site

Yeah, it's put out by the Fright Catalog and it's an advertisement (I think) but it makes for some interesting reading and makes you say hmmmmmm.

Ever play/use a Ouija board?  Anything weird happen?  I knew someone who had a board and said that they heard it scream when they burned it.  Not sure about all of this myself, I played with one when I was in middle school/high school and it didn't do anything. True, I levitated several feet off the floor, my eyes rolled back in my head and I started screaming "I'M RELEASED FROM THE BOWELS OF HELL!  LET THE TIME OF BLOOD AND PAIN COMMENCE WITH MY NEW EARTHLY REIGN OF EVIL!" but I couldn't get the little pointer to move.

How about y'all, had any dealings with the Ouija board?

Warning/Graphic...One Post to Rule Them All

I've been saving this for quite some time.  I will be inclined to warn you to please read the story BEFORE you click on the link at the bottom of the page.  I have included the link to the picture at the bottom for those of you that may not want to partake of the spectacle.

When I first heard the story from my dear Sausage Von Trapp, I was awed; it was the stuff of legends, of Southern gothic tales and then some.  Although not ENTIRELY a Hallowe’en per se post, you will nonetheless agree with me that this is definitely creepy.  When you see what I've brought to show and tell, you will agree that this is the...

One Post to Rule Them All.

The back-story…

Sausage’s grandfather was a 5-year-old little boy back in the early 1900’s. There wasn’t this overwhelming obsession by the government and lawyers to protect its citizens; they were depended upon to use common sense ("horse sense" as my grandmother used to say, whatever that meant). 

For ease, we shall refer to Sausage’s grandfather as Jim, and his older brother as John.  Jim and John lived in the foothills of Tennessee at the turn of the century. One fateful day, John was showing Jim his new hatchet.  (Before you stick your nose in the air at our ‘primitive’ ancestors, just remember that not too terribly long ago, in the 70’s, I had a chemistry set with real bad@$$ chemicals in it, a bow and arrow set with NO little rubber tips on the arrows, and a carving set in which one night I slipped and carved my hand with the curved blade requiring a trip to the emergency room and 16 stitches).

Of course, as 5 and 7- year-old boys do, there’s always going to be a game of chicken…John made the challenge: “Stick your finger down there on the chopping block and I’ll cut it off.” Jim stuck his hand down on the piece of wood; one was to never back down from a dare.  John was sure that Jim would move his hand out of the way…Jim was sure that his own brother wouldn’t dare bring the hatchet down.  Both trusted the other.

Both were wrong.

The hatchet went all the way down and Jim didn’t move.  The next thing was probably a scream and a pool of crimson. 

Both boys ran back to the house to their mother.  Jim's hand was intact, but his finger dangled from a small sliver of muscle.  The doctor was called and he came quickly in his horse and buggy.  Upon examination, there were two options: the bone and muscle endings could indeed be sewn back together (but the severed nerve ending ensured that the finger would never work)...

or...

he could amputate the finger. 

A quick discussion and it was decided, amputation.  A quick snip with short surgical scissors and it was all over. 

But what of the finger? 

What do you do with a severed limb? 

My dear gentle readers, YOU DANG WELL SAVE IT!!!  

(Remember, we here in the South still have Decoration Day in May; you go to church, then after service you decorate graves and have dinner in the cemetery, then a singing.  Ever see “Crazy in Alabama” or “Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil”?  Those aren’t movies about Southerners, those are documentaries!  We Southerners invented gothic!  If you don’t have at least one ghost or crazy person in the family, well, let’s just say that every good Southern family has some skeletons in their closet.) 

Ahem, back to the story…

A small, unused jar of Listerine was found in the cupboard. (Yes, you read that right, Listerine.  Basically at the time I think it was just this side of moonshine in terms of alcohol content).  The finger was dropped in...

...and that was that. 

Jim's mother couldn't bear to part with it.  In later years Jim and his new bride became the keepers of the finger.  It resided in the china cabinet, tucked back in the corner.  But Jim had a request, a simple one:  that his finger in the jar be buried with him when he passed on from this life to the next.

And when Jim did pass, and the wake was over, and the casket lowered into the cold earth, it was realized that the finger was still in the china cabinet…in the hustle and bustle and emotional stress of a death and burial, the grief-stricken family had forgotten to put the finger in the casket.  After a bit of worry, there was nothing that could be done.  Jim's wish could not be fulfilled; the finger would reside in the china cabinet until the passing of his wife in which the finger was then handed off to the daughter of Jim...to where it sits today in her china cabinet.

Jim was remembered lovingly and lived a life too short, but a joyful life indeed.  His finger has graced several show-and-tell times in school, never failing to get an awestruck audience. It was and continues to be a conversation piece.  

When I heard this story, I asked Sausage if her mother could take a picture of the finger and send it.  I was delighted that she was gracious not only to take a picture but a great close-up picture!  Please notice the details...the jar hasn’t been opened in over 90 years: and in it, the wrinkled, shriveled pink finger, complete with a little wart and Tennessee dirt under the small fingernail. where it will probably be passed down again and again from generation to generation.

CLICK HERE TO GO TO THE PICTURE PAGE