Saturday, January 29, 2011

Makeup Tutorial--Traumatized Finger (Warning, real gross)

So I pulled out the old makeup box yesterday and started twiddling around with it.  I'm not really that much into gore but I sometimes try to push my comfort zone limits a bit.  With a little bit of blue, a little bit of fake blood, a little bit of sealer, a little bit of black paint, I think that I did a pretty good job of making my middle finger look like it had been traumatized:
 Pretty good if I do say so myself!   Let's see any of you hotshot makeup artists out there who think you're bad enough to top this!  You boys have been owned by Macdaddy Macabre!

If only it were true.  Oh how I wish it were true.

This is what happens when you take a 10 ounce framing hammer and hit your finger with ALL your strength, effectively missing your desired target.
I said shoot!
I said doggonnit!
I said dang!
I said oopsie doodle!
I said monkey poo!

Actually I said nothing, just quivering with a little nausea in my stomach, my father was standing right next to me as I was biting my lip in two to keep from saying
%<*!!&*(#@$%*+{=%&@$&#$ H-E-EFFING-HOCKEYSTICKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We were working at a farm and it just so happened that they had a vet there brushing a horse's teeth (I'm not kidding).  My dad wanted to let the vet drill my nail right then to relieve the pressure.

I politely declined the offer.

Just thought I'd share :)


halloween spirit said...

I was admiring your make-up skills as I read the remainder of the post. I feel your pain. Reminds me of the time I got my finger caught between the slats of a vertical garage door. The memory of this will linger for quite a while . . . /:(

Ghoul Friday said...

As I'm squirming a bit while I read, I'm thinking "Man...that's not real? It sure as heck looks real..and did he get the UNDERSIDE of the nail to look so...OHHHH yup. That's what I thought"

Man that's a good job you did there.

And now I'm going to close this tab in my browser so I don't have to see it again.

Pam Morris said...

omg I know it isn't funny and it must have hurt like...well, you know what it felt like... but I must say that I nearly fell off the chair in stitches envisioning the whole scenario, esp. the part about the large animal vet drilling a whole through your nail and you doing your *&^#)@* best not to swear.

Mr. Macabre said...

Ohhhh, it hurt, it hurt real good. If I was a masochist, I would have needed a cigarette afterwards.

All I could think about was that vet having his hands in that horse's mouth and me with a hand-washing fixation. It just wasn't going to work for me.

The Captain said...

The funny thing is I knew it was real before you revealed it to us. I guess I've been reading your blog to long, and know you're prone to injuring yourself. Hope it feels better soon

cinderelly said...

owie, owie, owie! :P